Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
