After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
