She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize