Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
