mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
