She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
