Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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