i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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