I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
