dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
