He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
