Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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