You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
