Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Panties = found
Randomize
