you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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