So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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