taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
