I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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