what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize