that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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