There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
