I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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