Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
