do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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