You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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