Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
