why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
