yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
