we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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