Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
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I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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