Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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