So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
