brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Operation Purity has been aborted
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
