Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
