what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
