On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
