now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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