I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
