I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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