this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
