i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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