3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Randomize
