you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
