Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
babies were throwing up all over the place
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
