I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
