I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
