i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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