I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
