just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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