You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
