So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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