Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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