shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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