I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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