I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
