Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
