I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
