Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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