It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
