I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
