everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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