Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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