It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
