Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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