I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
