Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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