Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
