I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
