ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
