I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
