Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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