I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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