Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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