Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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