He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
