Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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