my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
