There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
