i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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