margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
