I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
