Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize